i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just crazy horny about you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
