"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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