I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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