he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
