i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
