i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
