I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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