Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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