The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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