Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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