She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you win again, gameday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
