it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
