she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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