Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just invented taco cereal.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
do nipples grow back?
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