Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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