Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
