im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
