oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
