I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
