highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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