I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
