My underwear smells like fireworks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She needs sedatives and a leash
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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