U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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