I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
