my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
