She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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