you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
