Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
