Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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