absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
