I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
