I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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