I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
