Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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