u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
