I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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