I accidentally burped into my bong.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
