I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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