saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
