then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
