2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
