Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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