She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
