I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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