I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
