I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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