im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
