Your face is a jimmy john
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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