i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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