I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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