im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
