You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
