my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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