he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
