Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
