youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
