you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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