The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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