I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize