Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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