I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
