party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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