i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize