Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
