My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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