Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
