Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
