i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
