kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
