foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
